Choosing Recovery, Year 1, months 1-4
In lieu of diet culture boomeranging back into fashion, I would like to share some of my eating disorder recovery journey. At this point I’ve been in recovery (9 years) longer than my eating disorder (7 years). Year 1, months 1-4 I first wanted to recover from my eating disorder in February of 2017. A combination of reasons resulted in this decision. To put simply, I decided I didn’t want to die by the hand of my eating disorder. Too many nights for comfort I went to sleep with a pit in my stomach- not from hunger but from an impending sense of doom that I wouldn’t wake in the morning. That’s when I knew it needed to end. The trick was ending it. Believe it or not, I always knew that it was never going to end unless I did something about it. I knew this- but emotionally, my eating disorder convinced me I wasn’t deserving of recovery. It’s why I endlessly documented body checks on my camera roll. I wanted to prove to my future self that I had done it- I DID reach my desired body...
